forgottenbennet

I Spent most of the night looking for this and I thought it was lost to the ravages of time But thanks to the Wayback Machine I have it... and I'm gonna post it here for safekeeping. Everything after these words are not mine.

*~*~*~*
"Anne Fan" by

silverthoughts

I posted this on the old site where the Vampire Louis List used to be and I thought they would have deleted that site by then, but apparently not.

Date: 9 September 2001

This is a parody of the song Stan by Eminem that is found on his Marshall Mathers LP. The chorus is a parody of the section sung by Dido. Under copyright law, parodies are legal. We wish no harm in using this song for humorous purposes. Eminem and Dido. Please forgive us.

This is inspired by the X-Files parody of ScullyBee's letter to Chris Carter.

_____________
Chorus:
The words are dry, I'm wondering why
I bought that book at all
Stale characters, rehashed plotlines
And everything's a blur
And even as I throw the book away
I see Cry to Heaven on my shelf
And it reminds me, that you were once so good
So, it must not be so bad at all

Dear Anne, I'm your biggest fan
I bought every book, audio tape ever known to man
Probably read them all a million times
'Cos it's nothing short of the sublime
I visit your website on a daily basis
Even though the midi crashes my computer, I think it's an oasis
Did I tell you I bought the Lestat doll?
I'm scrimping my pennies to goto the Coven Ball
Thinking of standing in front of 1231 First Street
I'll be the one waving and wearing your brain scan T
Today I watched Interview With The Vampire until my eyes bled
And I could recite the words off the top of my head
Do you remember me at all your booksignings?
I stood there with all the other fans in the pouring rain
You shook my hand and signed your name
My friends think I'm insane
Gotta go buy your newest book
Signed Anne Fan

Chorus

Dear Anne, I don't understand
I read Memnoch the Devil and was shell shocked
Did you have to kill Armand and have Lestat get knocked?
And what about Servant of the Bones?
I've never been so bored by the ghostly monotone
And what of Marius being a pedophile?
Is this the only way you could explain why Amadeo's so fragile?
Confused I am, but that's ok
Because I hear you'll have another book, hip hip hooray!
Wondering if you ever visited the shrines devoted to you
They say you don't even have e-mail, is that true?
You should try to get online because a lot of them are good
And the fanfiction leaves one in a hungry mood
I read them all, it took me months
It helped me understand what confused me so
I now crave for your next book
Sparking interest that I thought was broke
Did I tell you? I dream about them, too?
Lestat, Armand, Louis and more!
I think I'll write out my dreams
What do you think on that scene?
I know you don't like it but I hope you're not mean
I'll put disclaimers, I'll give your full credit
I make no cash, I'll forever be in your debit
Gotta go buy Merrick
Signed Anne Fan

Chorus

Dear Anne, where've you been?
I went to your site and there's nothing to be seen
Called you every day and got no reply
Heard the fanclub's gone on its merry way
Read Merrick and I could not forsee
A seductive witch and the death of Louis
And now I see all these shrines are gone
You sent some cease and desist morons
All the fanfiction that once was here
Has now suddenly disappear
Instead I find Croatoan Fanfic
Tell me what is this Mickey Mouse schtick?
What has happened to Lestat?
He's nothing more than a brainless twat
Louis's now a love sick puppy
That witch has made him her guppie
I sit here and throw the book away
Yet I hear you say others loved it anyway
Am I the only one who's disgruntled?
Over all this moronic mumble?
Do you even read your mail?
Or are they selectively thrown in a pail?
Do you know I lost my faith in you?
Signed Anne Fan

Chorus

Dear Anne Fan
Read your letters, all three
What can I say, but fuck thee
I don't care if you don't like what I wrote
They are my copyrighted blokes
You don't like me, than that's too bad
Because there are millions who tell me I'm rad
Since Lestat belongs to me
I'll have him sing like a chickadee
David, Merrick and Louis
They'll make a menage of three
Go ahead, you'll lap it up
Slave to my eternal cup
I am Mater Glorioso
There is nothing that can stop me so
But just remember when you buy the next Vamp Chron
To order my son's next edition
I'll sell more scans of my brain
This time you can hang it on your window pane
My fans adore me
That's all I see
So go complain
And I'll make Armand sing in the rain
Now Anne Fan, I must go
Just remember who is rolling in the dough
Love Anne

Whew!